Highly Sensitive Person: 10 Tips For Thriving In A Loud World
Intro - Move to Seattle
Hey guys!
This is the first email I’ve sent to ya’ll since making the move to Seattle just over a month ago!
I’m not sure how I plan to use this email list in the future, probably just sporadic business updates from time to time, but we’ll see how this plays out.
But this move has represented stepping out of a hermit chapter of my life (growing my business, doing intense shadow work, etc.) and I’ve felt a fire ignite in my heart since coming here.
I’m feeling a creative spark, a pull to connect with people in a generative way, and a movement of stepping ever more deeply into Who I Am and Who We Are Meant To Become as a species.
I have content planned this year which will address collective issues regarding the culture wars, our hyper polarized world, Donald Trump, the rise of oligarchy in America, relating all of this to spiritual and personal development in a way I have heard very few people talk about before.
I also have content planned around a phenomenon I have been seeing more and more of, especially in new-age circles….and that is the phenomenon of people waking up spiritually, but then doing very little growing up (more expansive and higher-order perspective taking) or cleaning up (shadow work) thereafter, leading to all sorts of dysfunction individually and collectively (which plays into absurdities such as Donald Trump being elected).
I also have more practical content planned such as designing a life practice to maximize well-being and flourishing, how to stop distracting oneself all the time, how to develop the skill of Deep Listening, etc.
In all of this, I feel a deep pull to be more personable and vulnerable in my videos and writings….I’ve been feeling more and more turned off by creators who just share ideas but little to nothing personal about their experiences, hardships, flaws, and shortcomings.
Doesn’t make the ideas have as much potency to me without some deeper personal shares.
There is probably a business advantage from a financial standpoint to not leaning too deeply into that realm of radical personability, but I suppose my personal desire to be seen as I am, as a real human, rather than just a coach/teacher/creator is just too strong.
So that’s some stuff I’m thinking about heading into this spring!
Anyways, below this writing you will find my notes to my most recent video “Highly Sensitive Person: 10 Tips For Thriving In a Loud World.”
And also, I have a couple spots that are open if anyone is interested in taking a deeper step into themselves this spring.
You can click this link for more info on coaching.
Peace! <3
What Is a Highly Sensitive Person?
Because you clicked on this post, I am going to make a few guesses about you:
You feel overwhelmed in crowded, noisy, or bright environments much more quickly than others do.
You need significant alone time to process and recharge after social interactions.
Small changes in your environment (temperature, lighting, sounds) affect your comfort significantly.
You have an unusually strong reaction to caffeine, medications, or other substances.
You startle easily at sudden noises or movements.
You're deeply moved by art, music, or nature in ways others don't seem to understand.
You can sense tension in a room immediately upon entering.
You're highly conscious of subtle changes in other people's facial expressions or tone of voice.
You find it hard to shake off criticism or negative feedback.
You have a rich, complex inner life and spend lots of time in self-reflection.
You find your mental landscape heavily saturated by the information and media you intake
Violent or intense movies/TV shows affect you deeply and stay with you for days.
Your friends often come to you for emotional support because you understand them so well.
If you resonate with the term Highly Sensitive Person and experience a number of the occurrences from the above list, you are likely a Highly Sensitive Person.
The term “Highly Sensitive Person”, or HSP for short, was coined by Dr. Elaine Aron back in 1996.
Making up around 15% of the general population, Highly Sensitive People are those who are significantly more sensitive to physical, mental, emotional, and social stimuli than others.
The coining of this term by Dr. Aron was an incredibly important distinction because it helped to validate the experiences of millions of people, myself included, who had previously felt different than the general population, without fully understanding why.
Those who are highly sensitive may feel like that they are not cut out for this current society that we live in, they may feel that they are too flawed or fragile for this high-paced, high-stimulation world. They may have been told by others to “toughen up” or “stop being so sensitive”, leading to feelings of inadequacy and shame.
But, I am here to tell you that your sensitive nature is not a flaw, it is actually a gift!
And due to the structure of our society not being designed for the flourishing of HSPs, it is natural for HSPs to feel drained, overstimulated, oversaturated, and just plain tired in everyday life.
Due to the neurodivergency of HSPs, they will have to embrace a lifestyle that diverges from the mainstream in order to flourish.
This post includes 10 tips that help HSPs to do just that.
These are all points that I, as an HSP, have implemented and have seen drastic improvements to my quality of life.
Before we get into the 10 tips in detail, I want to describe Dr. Aron’s 5 main criteria that define HSPs, because it is from these 5 criteria that all the tips will follow.
The criteria is as follows:
Depth of Processing - HSPs tend to process information far more deeply and thoroughly than others. They tend to analyze and reflect on their experiences in great detail, and likely possess a natural creative ability to connect seemingly unrelated concepts together. This processing leads them to noticing nuances that others may miss, and will likely lead them to think carefully before making decisions. On the flip side, HSPs will require more time in solitude, and more time than the average person to process life events.
2. Overstimulation - Due to their sensitivity, and thus decreased ability to block out various forms of stimuli, HSPs are essentially like sponges, soaking up the stimuli present in their environment. Thus, it can become easy for HSPs to become overly saturated by large groups, loud places, the emotions of other people, and the flavor of the information they intake.
3. Emotional Reactivity - HSPs tend to experience both positive and negative emotions significantly more intensely than others. This heightened emotional experience means they are more likely to be deeply moved by music, art, films, and more. On the flip side, they are more likely to be affected by criticism, conflict, and the moods of others. HSPs likely need more time to move through and process their emotions than others.
4. Empathy - HSPs have both heightened cognitive and emotional empathy, allowing them to both feel and deeply understand the emotional states and experiences of other people. This ability allows HSPs to form deeper bonds with others quite easily. HSPs also tend to be great at sensing subtle shifts in mood and energy in others, and because of this, can often be relied upon to be excellent listeners and trusted confidants. The flip side of this heightened empathy is that HSPs may become overly saturated by the moods of others, and may be more prone to be overly giving towards others.
5. Sensing the Subtle - HSPs have a remarkable capacity to notice subtle details in their environment that others typically overlook. This heightened awareness applies to both physical and psychological subtleties, as they might notice slight changes in someone's tone of voice, subtle shifts in the atmosphere of a room, or small environmental changes that escape others' attention. This keen perception extends to picking up on patterns and irregularities in situations, relationships, and systems. HSPs are highly intuitive, noticing when something feels "off" before others do, making them particularly adept at anticipating problems or identifying potential issues early on.
See Your Sensitivity As A Gift
I put this point first because it is the most important.
It is common for HSPs to feel like they are flawed, because they feel that they don’t fit into society as well as others do, but I want you to consider that it’s probably society that is flawed, and not you.
We live in a world with severe wealth inequality, where millions leave in poverty, where many don’t even have access to clean drinking water while others host parties with thousands of bottles of baby oil in their mansions, where the environment is being degraded everyday, where profit is prioritized over well-being and flourishing, where human rights are violated on a regular basis…do you really think you, as an HSP, are the problem?
Obviously not.
In Dr. Elaine Aron’s book, The Highly Sensitive Person, she describes that there is an evolutionary purpose behind high sensitivity, in that the trait helps:
Identify both gross and subtle environmental dangers
Recognize social threats
Spot potential new opportunities to perpetuate well-being
Anticipate problems before they become serious
Back in the days in which we were hunting and gathering, this sensitivity and depth of processing would have helped to obtain food, stay away from predators, notice changes in weather patterns, make careful tribal decisions, and keep the peace within the community.
But now, in our modern world, these same traits can help to:
Recognize systemic issues and inequalities that others may be desensitized to or simply unaware of
Advocate for those whose voices often go unheard
Question societal norms and practices
Foster authentic connection in an increasingly disconnected world
Create meaningful art and media that raise awareness on important issues
And much more.
It is my belief that a key function of Highly Sensitive People is to help bridge a new paradigm towards a more conscious, compassionate, and loving world.
By being more sensitive to stimulation from the world, HSPs are often the first to notice when something isn’t working in our societal systems, when practices are unsustainable, and when change is needed.
Their ability to process deeply, feel intensely, and notice subtleties positions them uniquely to help humanity navigate the complex challenges we face today in a way that can foster both individual and collective well-being.
Your sensitivity is a gift!
Don’t run from it! Don’t hide from it!
Embrace it!!
2. Find Your Natural Rhythm, And Honor It
The everyday, workaday, hustle and bustle culture of the developed world is often not suitable for HSPs.
Working long hours, and constantly pushing and striving towards goals, achievement, success, will absolutely drain an HSP in the long term.
The modern workplace demands such as:
constant availability
high-stimulus environments
endless networking
performance under pressure
immediate responses
high productivity
are inherently at odds with HSP’s needs for increased space to process their emotions and reflect on their experiences, recharge from sensory input, and engage with their life thoughtfully and consciously.
In my life, I had my first experiences with modern workplace culture in college, where I was going to school for 6 hours or so per day, often followed by working irregular hours at a restaurant job, often very late into the night or early morning.
Not to mention I had to somehow find the time for homework and studying, while maintaining an active social life and romantic relationship.
Having to balance everything was extremely difficult and overstimulating, negatively affecting my energy, leading me to numb my experience with substances, all of which made me less present and able to fully show up with myself and others.
Having this experience in college solidified my inner knowing that the American hustle and bustle culture was not at all something I wanted to be a part of.
And so, later on down the road, I made the decision to instead live a lifestyle that honors my natural rhythms.
Instead of getting a corporate job like most of my friends did, I instead decided to write and start my path of becoming a life coach while working at a small, family owned, farm-to-table restaurant as a server.
This allowed me to have lots of autonomy in my own schedule, since I worked just enough hours as a server to get the bills paid, allowing me enormous amounts of time to get the business off the ground.
This flexibility allowed me to finally live a life that deeply honored my body’s natural rhythms.
I had plenty of time to self-reflect and process life, I could take a daytrip to the mountains on a random Tuesday, and I was able to honor my nature as a morning person, which had been impossible to honor previously.
In this, I was able to experiment with finding the most optimal times to eat, which I have since found for me it’s best to delay my first meal until around 11am (with the final meal coming before 7pm), which allows for deep creative work to be done in the early hours of the morning, as I find I am less sharp cognitively after eating a meal.
These are just a few ways in which I was able to honor my natural rhythms through choosing this lifestyle.
What honoring one’s natural rhythms looks like will vary from person to person, but the key is creating a lifestyle that allows you to listen to and respect your body’s natural patterns and needs.
This could be:
Finding work arrangements that align with your natural energy cycles (freelancing, part-time work, remote work, starting your own business, etc.)
Discovering your optimal times for different activities - creative work, physical exercise, social interaction, or deep thinking
Building in regular periods for rest, reflection, and processing
Allowing yourself to move at a pace that feels sustainable rather than exhausting
Creating a schedule that honors your natural sleep-wake cycle, whether you're an early bird or night owl.
The key thing to note is that as an HSP, you have differing needs from most people.
If these needs are not meant, you will wind up feeling dissatisfied, unhappy, wishing things were different, and potentially even depressed.
It is incredibly important that, as an HSP, you fully own these needs and assert them, even if it means living a drastically different life than the mainstream in order to meet them.
3. Limit Media/Information Intake
Fundamentally, HSPs are less able to block out various forms of stimuli, and when it comes to the media and information we consume throughout the day, it can be easy for an HSP to have their mental landscape oversaturated.
This is especially a problem in today’s day and age where countless media outlets are vying for our attention constantly.
It is also problematic that the vast majority of media and information out there is profoundly low-quality.
Many outlets simply want to capture our attention with catchy headlines and buzzwords, without providing any real depth or meaningful insight.
In addition, most media seeks to keep us hooked, and so they will rile up our emotions and even mislead us in order to do so.
They prey on our emotions, especially fear, in order to keep us engaged and scrolling.
The modern day digital landscape of TikTok, YouTube Shorts, and Instagram Reels is mostly pure brainrot, with some good and well-intentioned content sprinkled in here and there, but the result of the constant social media notifications, clickbait headlines, inflammatory opinions, crisis-focused coverage, and political outrage can typically lead HSPs to feeling:
mentally overwhelmed
anxious about world events
unable to find peace of mind
oversaturated with information
scatter-brained
This is why it is crucial for HSPs to be extremely selective about their media consumption, and makes it all the more important that they choose quality over quantity, set boundaries around exposure, only follow thoughtful and nuanced sources, and take regular breaks from consumption.
Remember, the goal is not to close yourself off to what is happening in the world, but rather to prioritize the needs of your sensitive nervous system from overwhelm.
4. Develop a Healthy Level of Selfishness
Due to their high empathy, it can become common for HSPs to be overly giving to others, or at least become overly concerned with the impacts that their actions may have on other people, which can lead to HSPs neglecting their needs and withhold from fully allowing their authentic self to shine in interactions with other people.
HSPs are hyper-aware of the emotions of others, they can sense subtle shifts in mood, and thus can anticipate potential discomfort, likely leading to an increased sense of responsibility for the well-being of others.
This is truly a gift, but without balance, it mostly goes to waste.
If one consistently puts the needs of others first in excess, an HSP will inevitably find themselves mentally drained, emotionally exhausted, and physically depleted.
The constant taking on the emotional burdens of others, adjusting their own behavior to fit the needs of others, and being disconnected from their own authentic self-expression may be an example of selflessness in excess.
For all people, and especially HSPs, it is essential to cultivate a healthy level of selfishness.
Developing this capacity could include:
Learning to say “no” without feeling guilty
Taking extra alone time to recharge
Communicating a truth even if it may be difficult for another to hear
Setting more firm boundaries
The paradox is that by embodying a healthy level of selfishness, we can in turn be more selfless, and give our gifts to others from a more grounded, healthy, relaxed, and authentic place.
The bottom line is: you can not serve the world to your fullest capacity if your energy is constantly being depleted by excessive attunement to others. True generosity and authentic love to others can only flow from a foundation of self-care and healthy boundaries.
Be more selfish <3
5. Get in Your Body and Exercise Regularly
Due to the constant processing and analysis that goes on in highly sensitive brains, it can become easy for energy to get stuck in the mind.
I've always said about myself that I live mostly in my mind because I literally just think all day long.
In my experience, I've found that there’s absolutely no better way to move the energy around than to exercise.
Going for a run, getting a good quality lift in, playing sports, etc.
There’s also a deeper and more subtle component to this point as well.
I've always been somebody who is very active and works out a lot, but still I had this major mind/body imbalance.
It really wasn't until the past couple years or so that I realized how deeply disconnected I was from my body.
I just didn't live in my body fully, I didn't inhabit my full body.
Now that I've been reintegrating that connection, it's been a game-changer.
Things like body scanning meditation (if you're familiar with vipassana meditation, that is a form of body scanning), tai chi, or qigong are really good for getting in the body. Various forms of breathwork can also be great.
I've also been trying this new thing called ecstatic dance.
Basically, I go to a group and for an hour and a half in a dimly lit room, there's about 30-50 people who gather.
The music starts playing and you just start moving your body in whatever way you feel called to.
In the group that I go to, there's no talking for the duration of the dance. Literally it's a group of people moving their body freely and openly.
I've found it to be something incredibly fruitful.
A lot of emotional stuff comes up in the dances, and expressing that through the body in a non-judgmental space is beautiful, healing, and also quite fun.
I see how continuing to take up this practice can really be a form of profound somatic development, so I will continue with it.
The point of what I’m saying here is that you have to get in your body so you don't just live in your mind, analyzing and processing your whole life.
I've found that I always pay a price with overthinking and mental indulgence if I don't work out enough.
And again it's not just working out, it's about living within and inhabiting your body in such a way that you develop a nourishing and sacred relationship with it.
When we are fully in the body, we access an intelligence that goes beyond analytical thinking.
Our bodies carry wisdom, emotional memories, and intuitive knowledge that our busy minds might often override.
This is especially important for HSPs because this embodiment will ultimately create a container strong enough to hold our heightened sensitivity without becoming overwhelmed or overridden by it.
Book recommendation for inhabiting the body more fully: Trauma and the Unbound Body by Dr. Judith Blackstone
6. Become Best Friends with Nature
For me, absolutely nothing regulates the nervous system as much as some deep nature absorption.
In Japan, they have this thing called shinrin-yoku (forest bathing), which is a prescribed treatment for various mental health issues.
They literally prescribe going out in nature for a while to reset.
This same approach ought to come to the western world more.
While it’s mostly intuitive knowing, there are countless studies that talk about how nature lowers anxiety, depression, and just makes people feel better.
I've never really heard of any case where someone went into nature and felt worse after.
And so, I make it a priority to go into deep nature as much as I can.
This is different than just going outside.
Of course, go outside as much as you can, but making it a priority to go into some deeper nature – some mountains, a river, a national park – will bring the benefits and regulation to the next level.
It's also a great way to connect with friends if you go with friends, and also to connect with yourself if you go alone.
There's really not much else to say about this one – it's pretty intuitive. But prioritizing nature for me has been one of the most nourishing things in my life, by far.
7. Design Your Living Environment Mindfully
People say a cluttered environment equals a cluttered mind, and this is very true.
Highly sensitive people are going to be more prone to experiencing the costs of living with a cluttered environment, and thus a cluttered mind.
With this in mind, I consider myself a minimalist.
I'm not a hardcore minimalist by any means.
I've seen some really hardcore minimalists on YouTube who only own like three different outfits and have nothing in their rooms but a mattress and a desk and literally nothing else.
I'm not on that level, but I like to purge myself of items I don't need every now and then.
I try to be extra conscious that the things I buy are really going to be of genuine value to me.
I also tidy my living space everyday, and make sure I have quality organizational systems for everything in my space.
This new level of cleanliness and tidiness is a new development for me, as my scatter-brained nature led to a pretty messy space in the past.
But eventually the cost of things (lost time, lost items, feeling claustrophobic and anxious) being messy got so high that I had to purge things and make a strong commitment to being more organized.
Now that I've deeply prioritized organization, I do find myself with more freedom and energy.
I really feel a sense of "being at home" in my own space, which is so, so, so important for thriving and this self-actualization work that I talk so much about.
I’ve realized a lot of things in my life…no-self, the illusory nature of ego, the telos of reality…but funnily enough it wasn’t until much later that I realized I should make my bed everyday!!
8. Have Strong Boundaries Against Energy Drainers
This point embodies a similar energy to point #4, which was developing a healthy level of selfishness, but I felt making a specific point about the category of boundaries was extremely important.
Highly sensitive people are simply more prone to dysregulation from energy-draining people and things, and thus need stronger boundaries against them.
When it comes to determining where exactly I need to have more sharp boundaries, I always love to ask this question: what prevents me from showing up and serving life to my fullest?
Contemplate this question, go on a long walk, create a list, because whatever you come up with is what you will probably need to have strong boundaries against.
For me, the biggest energy-drainers have been excessive social media use, porn, unconscious weed use, and staying up too late too often (as well as people who promote this exact type of indulgence).
Of course, the list will look different from person to person.
Other people's list might be more people-oriented, having boundaries against certain family members, coworkers, and so on.
But thoroughly engaging in this contemplation of what drains your energy the most and then having strict boundaries against those things is an absolute game-changer as a highly sensitive person.
It is essential for your self-actualization.
Don't be a pushover, don't be a doormat.
These boundaries are what you NEED to thrive and show up fully and give your gifts to your fullest.
So, assert these boundaries.
9. Reflect on How You Regulate the Intensity of Your Experience
Highly Sensitive People possess greater depth of processing. We can experience emotions more intensely, we pick up on subtle things, and we just have less of a filter for all this stimulation.
This can be, at times, just plain overwhelming and exhausting.
How I experience it, it can just be too much sometimes.
But when life is too much, when things do get too intense...how do you react to that?
The way you react in these situations will be one of the most defining things of your life as a Highly Sensitive Person.
In Dr. Aron's book, she talks about how Highly Sensitive People are more prone to addictions than the general population.
This is because we experience reality so intensely, and so we are likely to use things like substances or other forms of distraction to take the edge off and “relax.”
Thus, we are more likely to fall into toxic, habitual ways of regulating ourselves, which can lead to a dependence or an addiction.
And so, it’s incredibly important to distinguish between healthy and unhealthy modes of regulation.
The healthy ways of regulating include practices like spending time in nature, regular exercise, meditation, breathwork, living in alignment with your natural rhythm, etc, all of which genuinely create space for proper nourishment, rest and recovery within your sensitive nervous system.
These approaches honor our sensitivity while providing the necessary grounding to process our experiences.
Unhealthy regulation often involves numbing behaviors – excessive alcohol, mindless scrolling, binge-watching, or really anything that disconnects us from our bodies and emotions rather than helping us process them.
While these might provide temporary relief, they ultimately leave us more isolated and disconnected.
Ultimately, it's a matter of what you do when you feel that life is just too much.
When you feel that life is too much, do you pick up the bottle or do you start breathing deeply?
Do you turn to junk food or do you talk to a close friend that you love and trust?
That's the game that this ninth point is really getting at.
There's some deeper nuance here that I feel compelled to share of which my perfectionist self had a hard time coming to terms with in the past.
In the past, I thought I always had to rawdog life – no substances, nothing even remotely unhealthy.
I was a perfectionist, and I still am in many ways.
But something I feel called to share is that I had this belief that I never wanted to use any pharmaceutical pills to regulate myself.
I thought it was against the natural order of things, as I have so many grievances against big pharma because they profit off people's mental illnesses, often while neglecting a deeper, more root-level form or healing.
So I had this orientation towards life at one point that I never wanted to engage with this industry.
But, eventually my sleep got so bad – I was only sleeping for about 5 hours a night for a period of about 4 months consecutively.
I would always wake up at 3 or 4 in the morning, mind running like crazy, having these transpersonal dreams trying to figure out world problems and all of that.
I got so dysregulated from it.
I tried meditating more, I tried breathwork more, I tried everything.
But then finally I threw in the towel and I started taking anti-anxiety medications to help me sleep better.
It actually worked quite well, but the downside is that now I am incapable of sleeping for a single second without these pills.
I have a lot of problems with that, but at least I'm sleeping a lot better than I was before.
I said that whole thing because often there's this belief in more spiritual circles that all pharmaceutical medication is bad, and one should never use it.
I just don't believe that as fully anymore.
Of course, I still have so many grievances against big pharma and all of the demonstrably unconscious ways they make money.
But I have to say, they helped me sleep better, they helped me regulate the intensity of my experience, making me more functional and even helping me to thrive.
So just a perspective I thought would be helpful to some people who are so resistant to that type of thing.
But remember the main point of what I'm saying here: what do you do when life is just too much?
10. Trust Your Intuitive Hits
HSPs, because they can sense the subtle so well, often have sharper intuitions than the rest of the population.
They can pick up on the energy of people, the energy of places, whether a certain path or opportunity will be something good and expansive for them or whether it's something that's not aligned for them.
I have found that a lot of my personal entanglements and unaligned paths I've chosen have stemmed from me at some point in the situation, often quite early on, not trusting my intuition, or just shutting it out and not listening to it.
The body/mind/psyche complex – it's all one – carries immense wisdom, very immense wisdom.
Wisdom will show up sometimes in a loud and obvious way, but other times just in a soft and subtle and quiet way.
As an HSP, you've got to listen to that inner knowing.
Oftentimes after an intuitive insight, the ego mind can come online and try to rationalize it away, explain why it shouldn't do this or that.
But ultimately, just listen to that clear voice, that clear feeling.
It will lead you to where you are meant to go, so just trust it.
You're safe to trust the voice of your intuition.
I would even say you must trust the voice of your intuition if you are to go deeper into this self-actualization work.
Conclusion
These are the 10 points that have helped me as a highly sensitive person live more in alignment with my nature.
Managing sensitivity is always something I'm thinking about and working on because things can just get intense sometimes.
I also find that the deeper and deeper you go into the growth journey, the more sensitive you get.
You become more conscious of and often let go of many of the defense mechanisms you had in place that suppressed and repressed your experience of reality.
This demands new practices and measures and learnings to be implemented so that you can operate more effectively in your new way of being, which tends to be a more sensitive way of being, I find.
Remember that us sensitive people are here to help bridge the world into a new paradigm.
We're moving towards one that is more loving, more harmonious, more caring, more compassionate!
Let’s create a world where everyone's needs can be met and where everyone has equal opportunity to self-actualize and self-transcend!
Offers
If you find yourself resonating with what’s been said here, and are looking for some guidance on consciously crafting the course of your inner journey, consider hiring me as your coach.
As an Integrally-informed coach, we will work together to:
Align your life with your highest values and aspirations
Develop practices that support the growth and expansion of your consciousness
Uncover and integrate blockages or shadow aspects that may be holding you back
Explore potential ways to meaningfully contribute to collective growth
Help you fall deeper in love with life
If this interests you, please click this link to book the free discovery call, which is a 45 minute call to discuss you, your unique life situations, goals, aspirations, etc. in order to determine if we are a good fit to work in the long-term together.
Hope to see you soon!
With love and intention,
Wyeth